Default to Joyful

When some unexpected news hit our household two weeks ago, I put out the word to friends. Clearly fishing for encouragement, support, and even sympathy, I was not disappointed by the responses.

Among the kind and encouraging words was one simple statement that touched me deeply: “You have much to be grateful for.”

Absolutely correct, and a much needed reminder of the riches of my life. Delivered at the very moment when my imagination was running away with thoughts about what we had just lost (a job/income, by the way).

I do indeed have much to be grateful for. When I run down my “gratitude list” list I feel grounded and calm. I feel safe and warm. I feel blessed, even charmed. Maybe I even feel a little overwhelmed by how much I have to be grateful for when there is so much hurt and suffering in the world.

I feel grateful; but I don’t necessarily feel joy.

Not that I expect to be jumping up and down with the reality of instant and unintended change in our lives, but the circumstances revealed this gap between being thankful for my life and feeling joyful to be living it.

Joy is being delighted and lighthearted. It’s spontaneously expressing happiness. Greeting the day with a “let’s go!” attitude, and closing the day with a feeling of satisfaction. Taking pleasure. Jumping in with both feet. Savoring.

Children are the embodiment of joy and they express it with their whole selves. A school bus! An awesome Lego creation! Candy! It’s their default setting. My children show me unchecked joy on a daily basis – if I can slow down enough to notice it.

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Joylessness is a bad habit.

I’ve set my default to joylessness without realizing it. It’s become a routine behavior, involuntary and difficult to even notice.

I don’t come across as a joyless person. As mentioned above and all over this blog, I am attuned to the goodness of my life, and I do appreciate the miracles of each day.

Nevertheless, I feel the absence of childlike joy and wonder and enthusiasm in the way I experience my life.

How did I get here? There is so much stress and struggle all around, I wonder if the joy gets beat down by the burden of it all. Or do I extinguish my joy because I feel guilty for having fewer struggles than some?  Or is there something deep inside telling me to focus on the struggle, because if I don’t show you my struggles you won’t give me the love and care I so desperately want to receive?

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A few years ago I identified my life’s purpose, my unique gift to this world. I emerged from that experience with a feeling of openness and expansiveness that I (unintentionally) tucked away in a deep protected corner of my heart. At first it was new and exciting, an open flame, but over time it settled into more of an ember, something I guarded and kept close.

When I flip back through my notes from that time, that ember starts to glow a little brighter, and I begin to feel a sense of joy emerging from within.

My purpose statement is grounded in two fundamental values: belonging and cooperation. From those values,

I want to make connections that allow me to create beauty and meaning in the world.

In the glow of this purpose, my joylessness habit must be questioned.

:: How did I stray away from my purpose – the thing that brings me a flicker of joy by merely reading the words?

:: How did I fall into the habit of acting from a place of scarcity and fear rather than a place of abundance and connection?

:: How long does it take to establish a new habit?

Daily routines become unconscious habits. Information-overload is numbing. Resisting the pressure of our consumer culture can be exhausting. Operating on auto-pilot can help hold the struggles at bay, and can easily become the default way of life. This is how we stop noticing, stop creating, and stop feeling joyful.

::

I need to reset my default back to joyfulness.

Here is how I’ll do it:

1. Continue to cultivate my meditation practice. When I begin my day with just 10 or 15 minutes, I feel a significant lift – my capacity for feeling joy rises to the surface.

2. Feed off my children’s enthusiasm. Learn from them. Embrace their joyfulness. Foster their sense of wonder and help them hold on to it as long as possible.

3. Create and connect. More on this to come (from my garage… stay tuned).

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What am I Creating?

I’m starting the year on empty. A little sad. A little sorry. A little blah.

There is more being asked of me than I feel like I have to give. Work, family, friends, even the cat – all needing their share. Leaving me feeling used up, run down, and generally unbalanced.

Have you ever felt this way?

I didn’t see it coming this time. I’ve been here before, so you’d think I would catch it early, course correct, and find the motivation to carry me past this blah place and on to where I really want to be going.

Quite a let-down after ending 2011 with great expectations. And it’s only January 8th!

So, in stolen bits of time – daydreaming while the kids play in the bath, a lunch date with myself after running errands – I came to one important, and very simple conclusion:

I need a plan.

I need to take the big ideas for 2012 and make them into something concrete and doable. And I need to take small steps to avoid overload and see quick, positive changes. I’m going to take the next few weeks or so to get clear and get specific.

But this will be my guiding question:

What are you creating?

There are two sides to change – creation and destruction – and I’ve written a bit about this before. When something new is created, something else comes to an end.

To make lasting change, I need to acknowledge what must end to make space for the new. This will mean ending old habits that don’t serve me. It means clearing out the (mental and physical) stuff that clutters my vision and sucks up my time.

Little things add up.

Have you heard of the Butterfly Effect? The notion that one small change (the flap of a butterfly’s wings) can have a huge impact elsewhere (a hurricane develops on the other side of the globe). I was reminded of this idea today and it was a welcomed affirmation that small changes can have big results.

The Butterfly Effect gives me permission to realize important changes in increments. I read recently that people tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in a day, and underestimate what they can do in a year. Making a series of small changes can reverse that equation.

What am I creating?

Initially, I am creating an action plan. A collection of small actions that will change my attitude, my surroundings, my relationships.

Ultimately, I’m creating a way of life that …

[stay tuned!]

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