Year #37: A Resolution

Thirty-six years. Undeniably a grown-up age. Though I still feel naive and insecure in many ways, I also feel accountable. Therefore the responsibility is on me to make my life what I dream it can be.

When I blow out the candles on my (grain-free, dairy-free) birthday “cake” this weekend, my wish will be more of an intention. A resolution to begin the next year of my life.

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I’m going to make time for downtime.

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Not just write about how I need it. I could think and write and plan all about how I need to rest, how I might go about it, and how it will be soooo good for me. Unfortunately, I would never get to the actual resting.

My body and soul are crying out for it. I’m exhausted, unfocused, emotionally off-kilter.

In support of my inner voices and my body wisdom, I’ve been getting messages from the outside too. This post (Strategy #5: Margin) is a lovely example.

Even so, somehow my attitude of wanting to rest is not resulting in the actual resting behavior.

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Continuing on my theme of small things (recent related writings here and here) that make a big difference, I’m going to carve out one small slice of my day for downtime: My afternoon commute.

I spend about an hour and a half commuting home by train, bus and foot most days of the week. This is a new schedule for me and so far I have been using this time to catch up on Facebook or Twitter, or keeping up with work or personal email.

Straining my already tired eyes to scan the little screen on my phone. The furrow between my eyes deepening. The corners of my mouth turned down in a concentrated frown.

A voice inside tells me to put it away, but my fingers are like magnets, and my mind is like a three-year-old who just keeps asking more and more of the same questions and never gives up.

Starting today, I declare the commute home an internet free zone.

I might read – unchallenging and unedifying books or whatnot that entertain or amuse or delight me. No RFPs, no work-related reports. No serious self-help. Nothing that should be read.

Or I might not read.

I might to listen to music that I love.

Or not.

I might doodle or journal.

Or not.

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I might just sit there and do nothing.

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For some, making a plan for how to sit and do nothing is just plain silly. Taking time out for rest and relaxation is second nature for certain people.

I’m not one of them. I’m an over-thinker and a planner. I have some deep seated habit of always doing something.

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This brings me back again to the words of L.M. Montgomery. They speak right to my heart:

Come from the greedy mart, the troubled street,
And listen to the music, faint and sweet…

…You have forgotten what it is to smile
In your too busy life ­come, rest awhile.