Parenting with Spirit and Intention

I’m exploring what it means to deepen my relationship with my children. To know them better. To be more intentional about how I share my values and to encourage their curiosity. To make space for wondering and wandering.

I feel like a bit of a broken record as once again, my thoughts hover around our busy life, information overload, and the call to simplify. But these are the challenges of my life. The stuff that keeps me apart from my good intentions.

Sometimes, I feel like (at least) two people inhabiting one body. One of me thinks I should lighten up; worry less; let the kids watch TV; let them eat all those refined sugars. I consumed tons of carbs as a child and watched hours and hours of TV. And I turned out fine.

But the other me envisions my boy happily snacking on kale chips instead of granola bars. This other me is convinced that too many video games will zap my child’s natural ability to imagine his own worlds, create his own games, and discover real treasures.

How do I foster that sense of wonder and exploration in the real world when his activity of choice is “media” (a term in our house for TV, computer games, Wii or iPhone apps)?

How do I open up his world to new ideas and creativity when I myself am so often lost in my own made-up worlds, so often reaching for the iPhone to distract me from my real life?

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Parenting is a spiritual practice.

At least it can be if you allow it. Parenting with spirit and intention is about allowing the challenges and conflicting feelings – as well as the moments of intimacy and joy – to be a window into your heart.

Truly seeing your child; noticing his strengths over his weaknesses; admiring the profound miracle of life that you grew inside your own body – this opens you up to gratitude. Opens you up to the wisdom of your own heart.

Observing your lack of present-moment awareness; noticing how work stresses are spilling over into family life; giving yourself a moment to breathe before responding – these practices tune you in to the everyday opportunities to grow as a parent and as a person.

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It matters what you say.

This is a lesson I am learning this week:
It matters what you say.
When you say it.
How you say it.

:: I can praise my kid for getting a perfect score on his spelling test (Which he did! Woohoo!). Or, I can praise my kid for the effort he put in to learning his spelling words. Praising the effort tells him I care more about the person he is than about any particular achievement. It tells him that I love him no matter the outcome.

:: I can mindlessly rattle off the “company line;” or I can look a coworker in the face as I listen and respond to a challenging or emotional workplace situation. Having the courage to confront a difficult situation with an honest and open heart shows my true care and respect for my colleague.

:: I can spend more time talking – or I can spend more time listening – to  just about anyone I encounter. More listening allows me to learn from others. Allows me to develop discipline (I’m a talker by nature). Allows me to put others needs ahead of my own.

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To be more intentional about how I share my values and to encourage their curiosity.

This is what I said – way up there at the top – that I want.

Praising the effort.
Being honest.
Deeply listening.

These are spiritual practices that move me toward these intentions.